News – Setting the Record Straight on Greece (rerevised).


Having had the pleasure, in the several days since my return from my very exotic and somewhat pricey (although less pricey than you might think but if you want to be judgmental about my perceived extravagance that’s okay with me because that’s exactly what I’ll be assuming you’re doing anyway) two-week sailing vacation to Greece, of waylaying a handful of undefended conversationalists prepared to discuss the Emmy awards, the weather or the most delicious pork riblet (which they were recently fortunate to taste from the plate of their dining partner and resolved to order said comestibles themselves the next time they comest at that restaurant) and forcing them to listen to a 1/45th scale retelling of my fantastic experiences that they were not there for and never will be even if they replicate the same trip in the future (because it’s never the same water twice or even once, if you think about it), I’ve discovered that my fellow New Yorkers, sophisticated in so many respects (would a Ohioan know where to find the most delicious pork riblet ever, especially one served at a Chinese eatery? Absolutely not!), have some odd misconceptions about Greece and the Grecians which I am not misconceived by because I have had this transformative and very enviable travel experience. Allow me to recount:

– The Nation Greece has no discenible association to Grease, the ingredient, the play or the hair condition. In fact, firstly, much of the food is lightly grilled with the barest brush of shortening evident and, in fact, can sometimes be a tad dry if you don’t squeeze a little lemon on it (lemons are always provided); secondly, while I was pleased to listen to an amateur chamber orchestra which had commandeered the central square of the town of Nefpoli and demonstrated enormous ability in regard to Grecian songs, oom-pahs, and other Grecian songs (accompanied by a mixed pair of very pleasing vocalisers), they, to my hearing, did not perform any Show Tunes at all unless they were plucked from indigenous Grecian Musicals with which I am unfamiliar (they did undertake a disarmingly brassy arrangement of The Theme From Zorba the Greek but that song, i beleive, does not appear in the Broadway Musical Zorba which opened with a fame-declining Anthony Quinn recreating his film role of the title character), and, thirdly, you should not characterize an entire Nation Greece by the less-than-fastidious personal hygiene of some indeterminate minority of it’s population.

– Every salad served in Greece is a Greek Salad. It may have dates and stale bread on the bottom of the bowl, it may have no olives, feta or balsamic – it’s still a Greek Salad. There are many menus listing an item entitled Greek Salad but it’s no more Greek than any other salad. It’s kind of Greek Salad squared. It’s a meta thing. I believe Magritte drew a picquant illustration of a salad with feta and olives with the Acropolis visible in the background and I’m going to let that be the last word on the subject.

– Nation Greece is primarily occupied by pussycats both furry and feral who outnumber the quantum of bipeds and noncat quadrapeds combined. The Grecians remove their feline sex organs and offer as recompense, present on every street corner, kibble and other foodstuffs not likely to be consumed by homeless people. On the other hand, besides Romany, who practice professionally, there are very few people living on the streets. They’re in repurposed kennels, I assume.

–  Grecian Men are frequently photographed dancing with each other. No one asked me to dance. I sat on the side of the square (i’m aware there are more prominent, more showy places I could have sat but i was very close to the chamber orchestra so i would be noticed and i couldn’t stand in the middle of the Grecian Square, I couldn’t – I’m not that kind of guy) and I was confident that my appearance was polished to a kind of radiance (perhaps not as radiant as some of the very popular Grecian Men who all seemed to know each other and hung out over on the other side by themselves but I looked good and i knew it) and it was clear I was available. I was not sitting with any other guys. Just the same, I was the wallflower at the fiesta. I left undanced. My conclusion? All Grecian Men are antisemites.

It is said that “Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.” It’s wise bons mots (equally is it mots justes [ i don’t think there is any argument to be made that they are not mots – i’ll leave the appropriate qualifier in your hands]) but not in this case because I spent a crapload of money, more than you would ever pay for your vacation (though less than a rental of equal length in the Hamptons [except maybe Westhampton] would be unless you eat nothing but corn flakes for two weeks while I was eating fantastic greaseless food). It’s the sharing, though, the sharing that makes it all worthwhile.

5 Responses to “News – Setting the Record Straight on Greece (rerevised).”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Glad you enjoyed the greaseless Greece. It’s an amazing place, even in my more familiar low-budget style.

  2. m88 Says:


    News – Setting the Record Straight on Greece (rerevised). | newsornotnews

  3. Micki Says:

    Great article.

  4. Says:

    News – Setting the Record Straight on Greece (rerevised). | newsornotnews

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    News – Setting the Record Straight on Greece (rerevised). | newsornotnews

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