NEWS – Abdominal Surgery (Oh, the Pain)

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That’s right, it’s our friend, the small bowel. I know what you’re thinking but no, despite the slight resemblance, it’s not me (even with almost daily requests, I’ve never done any modelling). Bringing you up to date, last Friday I collapsed from weakness brought on by a recurrence of anemia which was, in turn, caused by an occasional bleed of unknown origin, and only occasionally, coming out of my ass. Jolean called 911, the ambulance took me to the Lenox Hill emergency clinic at the site of the old Saint Vincent’s, the Lenox Hill ambulance took us uptown to the mothership where I was admitted and transfused and waited until Tuesday upon which day i received a “push” colonoscopy (which goes four inches or so further than the typical) with the hope it would reach an ulceration that had been spotted the previous week by the pillcam. Still with me? The push detected nothing but, then again, it really didn’t provide high resolution of the target area. Accordingly, surgery was indicated.

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I was initially informed we were on for  Wednesday but tight scheduling resulted in a delay until Thursday afternoon, though not before I had stopped eating Tuesday night (Pig Heaven: superior dumplings). So Dr. Sergei and his team sliced me the hell open and I’m sure you can all guess what they found: gornischt (bupkis, nada, nischt, rien, zippity doo-dah and the rest). After some time, I woke up in the recovery room with a painful bandaged wound and a catheter in my winkie.

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That was last night. I didn’t sleep. This morning they removed the catheter and every four hours the inject me with one of those fashionable opioids everybody seems to be doing. It still hurts. Pretty bad too.

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They tell me I’ll be up on my feet by end of day and that I’ll be fit enough to go home in a couple of days. But I won’t. I’ll transfer to NYU Hospital where there is a gastrointerologist who is trained to perform the nouveau procedure, Double Balloon Endoscopy, which will give us a good look at the upper portion of the small bowel which is still unseen through this date, and the opportunity to correct it right then and there and which may be as unsuccessful as everything else has been so far. And, of course, “the pain, the pain.”

3 Responses to “NEWS – Abdominal Surgery (Oh, the Pain)”

  1. bookmarkg Says:

    My favorite part of the story is Pig Heaven. Rest up and ask for a lot of pain killers!

  2. Mark Wolk Says:

    if no leftover dumplings. How about left over opioids?

  3. Guess Who Says:

    Did they ever hear of PCA. Patient controlled analgesia. So you can medicate yourself and don’t have to wait for the nurse.
    Also. Would love to see your beautiful bowel. Not a hypothetical. Love you. 😘😘😘

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